I was tagged numerous times on Instagram the last few weeks to post a selfie of me. But I know myself well enough to know I wouldn't be content with doing that. I happen to be pretty self conscious. But writing 40 things about myself like my friend Jocelyn and other bloggers like Colour Living and Anya Adores have? Yes, I can throw my weight behind this.
Get to know me a little better.
1. I have a younger sister, she came home from the hospital on my 12th birthday and I wanted a brother!
2. My father died when I was 12 years old.
3. When I was 16, I was an exchange student in Louisana and I was totally crazy about Daniel Williams. So much so, that to please him, I filled out one of those True Love Waits cards. Proclaiming I would stay a virgin until I got married. I'm going to hell, I guess.
4. I had a rabbit as a kid. With a blue and a brown eye. Just like David Bowie.
5. I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tounge.
6. I never smoked. Not even puffed on a cigarette to try it out.
7. I have a US drivers license, but not a German one.
8. After having sex for the very first time, I had to go to the hospital for treatment. Don't ask.
9. I dated 40 guys in 4 weeks for a sociology project in college about honesty online. I'll blog about this soon.
10. I almost got married when I was 30. I thought it was time and thought he was okay and I could do worse. Not a very good reason to get married, no?
11. I'm in love with a famous person and I cannot make it work with him. He cares for me too. I just can't give myself this last important push. He is so important to me it hurts. I will regret not getting there...and yet, I don't know how.
12. I love drinking milk, but when I drink too much of it, I turn green! Like Hulk.
13. Massages make me sick. So does the heating in car seats. Something about my spine that is very sensitive.
14. I'm scared of birds.
15. I believe, if a street muscian makes you stop and listen you owe him money.
16. I love words. I'm drawn to people who use great words and express their feelings.
17. When I was 17 I forged my mums signature to get access to my savings account.
18. I have a lot of moles in my face. When I look at myself in the mirror I don't see them. When I look at myself in photos I do and it bothers me a lot.
19. I have been dreaming about having a child the past months. A boy, who seems to be my only child. First I gave birth myself, but lately I'm dreaming about adopting a boy.
20. There is one nightmare that comes back again and again. Always when I'm very worried. During the day, pressure doesn't bother me. At night it does. I'm on a field here in Hamburg with trees and look onto the water. I look around and see a person in the distance. I turn to face the water again. And when I turn around once more. The person came closer. I don't see him walking, he is just closer. The person wears a purple cape and this repeats itself 2-3 times until he stands right behind me. Just a few inches away from me. And this person doesn't have eyes. I wake up screaming and kicking. Sometimes I hate to go to sleep as I know this is happening again.
21. I regret not learning more languages.
22. I'm a good friend. I travel to whereever you are and need me. No questions asked. A call is enough.
23. I used to work for a men's magazine in Munich. I wrote articles about porn, oiled up naked women and interviewed David Hasselhoff, who kept talking about himself in the third person.
24. I love living in Hamburg. I cannot see myself living in any other city in Germany. In Europe, that is a different story.
25. I had a female stalker.
26. I don't get along with my mother. I haven't seen her in five years. We talk on the phone every once in a while. When I call back. Never longer than three minutes or we will argue.
27. I envied some girls in elemtary school because they were doing ballett. I was playing ice hockey.
28. I had a piercing in my nipple for many years.
29. I have a very good memory. I usually have a "screenshot" in front of my inner eye and I see the details in front of me very clearly. I remember a lot of small details.
30. I love the supermarket!
31. I like paying with cash and not with my cards. I loose the overview to quickly.
32. I wrote my thesis about NASCAR. I saw myself working for a race team. Once I was done with the thesis. I was done with the sport. Even though NASCAR posted my survey on their Facebook page and more than 200.000 people send me their answers.
33. Walking over bridges or stairs that I can see through? Can hardly do it. I need to breath in and out and walk quickly. It doesn't matter how high it is.
34. I watch about 30+ theater plays a year.
35. I get drunk easily. Two cocktails and my lights are on!
36. I could live on cheeseburgers, fries and junk food in general for ages.
37. Powdered sugar gives me goose bumps. I cannot have it on my fingers.
38. There was a girl in school that got picked on a lot. Bullied actually. I was mean to her too. For the past 1-2 years this thought really bothers me and I'm thinking of reaching out to her. Haven't done it yet, as I'm embarrassed about it. But I also hate, that she looks back on these years and doesn't have pleasend memories.
39. I still love to jump into puddles.
40. I'm lost at the moment. I don't know where to turn or what to do. I just know, that something has to change. I need a new look at things. I need new surroundings, a new task. I guess. But am I running away from something or am I just anxious?